Impressively, I wasn't freaking out about my 2500 word essay due tomorrow until about a minute ago. I myself am surprised about how quickly I cracked. Having completed the introduction I made my way over to K who was watching a movie, "Across the Universe", with T, and showed him my intro, being pretty proud of it. After looking over it I asked them if they were ready to play some Beatles Rock Band since the movie was over, and the reply I got from K was, "But you're not done your essay." He has been jabbing at me about it all night, and at first I dealt with it pretty okay, although it was getting annoying, because I knew he was joking. This time something snapped in me and I let him know straight out that I was getting tired of it. He apologized to me and said he was joking, but it's at a point where it's not funny anymore. Now the pressure on my back is there, my palms are sweaty and my stomach is knotted: I'm stressed. And honestly, I'm less stressed by the idea that the essay is due tomorrow than I am by the constant nagging about it, like when my mother kept insisting that I finish up all the packing. Being quite aware of my responsibilites, and having, throughout my life, relied fully on myself when it comes to due dates, I find outside pressures too much to handle in part because they are pointless and also because I find them to be criticisms: only I am allowed to criticize myself.
Anyway, he asked me if I wanted to play and take a break. I just mumbled and left. It further annoys me that he asks me, when I had just asked him. It's like he's taking the power away from me, or something. As if I can only work on his suggestions: do your essay?, play rock band with us?.
I'm mad, and even madder that he is just sitting in that room as if nothing happened.
Jerkface.
I think I'll be a lot less mad about this later but for now I am completely turned off from this stupid essay....
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