a horoscope?!

I know, I just read one today and I fell for the trap. Yeah it did relate to my life a lot, but one thing that especially stood out was that it said, "Don't be angry, be charming." Which is how I think I've been acting - angry, not charming at all. Hopefully I can find time to be charming, and I want to be...but now being sick. Dammit dammit! And without the money from these days of work...sigh.

Maybe I should just move back home...especially if I can't afford to live by myself. I'm just lying, ain't I? I'm just pretending that everything can be okay.

Well...I don't know. Be charming...can I be? I hope so, I do.

I want to wear my summer clothes and I want to go swimming. I want to play the flute.

I want to...

Well, whining is not charming, is it?

I wont apologize, but I'll become stronger and I'll change. I will smile and I'll stop trying to be sad. It's stupid, isn't it? If a person has the capacity to be happy, why wouldn't they? Perhaps that's the biggest lesson I need to learn, that all in all my strength lies in my ability to recognize the things I do wrong and ultimately to do something for them.

Who am I? I don't know. I know I'm still young and that a year, a month, a week, a day...an hour a minute can make the biggest differences in all of us. But either way I will work on it - and towards something. What is that something? It's been allusive to me, but perhaps my problem is that I've been putting too much value on that "something".

I want to be an author. I want to go to teacher's college. And yeah I know that sounds a little ridiculous but I do want to, if it is for such a petty reason as to earn a decent living. I've never been one to measure beyond my capacities - I may not ever write to fullfil a career, but I know I -will- write. I know I will.

Anyway, inspiring? I don't know. Hopefully. I just want to stop being sick so I can earn some goddammed money.

Not angry, charming, not angry, charming.

New Mantra.

At parent's...sick...bored, but it's for the best.

Sorry btw Jade, I was actually really looking forward to Saturday night. I really want the chance to meet new people...but well, I guess seeing off a friend is more important than my own selfish reasons. *and of course I wanted to spend time with you*

Anyway, I said I wouldn't apologize for anything. I will not "sorry" vomit - nonononono.

Needs tos:

-Inquire about summer camp.
-Make a resume to put on file with the school's tutoring thingie.
-Select courses for next term.

AND HOMFG! I actually need to start *reading* all the crap I gotta read for school. Jesus.

Side goals:

-Write, as always.
-Flute?
-Meet new people...*** Change** Somehow....

Feeling sick...I want to email those ppl from the school though and find out where my 50 is....