EsSAY

I'm so tired of writing essays!!!


...But it's my fault, really.

What would I rather be doing, essays, or solving mathematical equations?

Sigh...*opens up a word doc*.

dark night

The darkness swells up around me
I am dark, I am night.

These feelings, they overwhelm me
I am imbued, I am distilled...

...Dwelling in mystification...
...Breathing in contracted phrases...
...I fade away into non-existence...

Darkness...silence...the hum of a computer left on overnight.

Blinking in artificial light...although it is not far away.


-------------

Tired...another shit poem...........

Should be studying

Well, have a quiz today but woooooo waaaa, can't bring myself to study any more than my "quickly look over notes" plan that I have already implemented. Now it's count-down to doom, but the thing is only worth 5% anyway...

Really, despite that "mini" clock of doom I have about 10 LARGER clocks looming over me. 3 essays due by the end of the month (haven't started) and 4 exams coming up for next month.

*slight eye twitch*

Well, I'm not feeling all that sour for it. (At least for now). I know aunty rose is visiting soon so I'm sure I'll flip out when the time comes.

Nothing creative today..................oh wait, maybe...................

The wind blows intensely,
Pressing up against me,
Howling like a lone, sad wolf

The clouds loom above
Grey like sad eyes
Silent in the cold hue

But on earth it is beautiful
The people spread their wings
Like the birds come back for spring
The smells are wonderful

I take a moment; I take it in.



ARHGHH That was so bad. That was me trying to use "structure" in my poem...but whenever I try to use structure it comes out bad...rawr.......

my determination to NOT SLEEP

I have done it. I have drankeded the COFFFEEES. I will be awake all night now, whether or not I finish this essay soon.

Just wrapping up page 3. Still got FIVE more to go.

Oh...oh...ohhhhh... (This is me singing silently into the night. THAT'S RIGHT SILENTLY.)

Clearly the coffee has disabled my mental capacity to be "witty".

Did I mention it's a large DD? Oh yeah this baby'll last me alllll nighttt longggg.

(Yes I can clearly see the pervertednessness)

*looks around*

Mackenzie King ding a ling...

king's genius

“If some countries have too much history, we have too much geography.” - William Lyon Mackenzie King

HAAHAHA omfg so true.

*chews on knuckles*

Okay here I am just yapping away. I haven't started my essay yet. I haven't felt this much resistance to essay writing in a LONG TIME. Last time I did my history essay I was all GO GO GO GO GO GO GO and I made a mad dash for the finish line, just barely making it.

Is it the fact that I finished on time before that I presently am unworried?

Maybe I'm just tired of being so stressed out and depressed. I've been so ill lately, not only physically but mentally. I'm tired of drowning myself in the river. I want to be that free spirited person again who smiled even as the rapids approached. I think I am, it was one decisive moment - it always is. It was like waking up from a dream, or rather...returning after a very long time, as if, someone else was occupying my body before.

Regardless, I don't want others impressions of me to kill me. If anyone thinks I'm lazy, unreliable, and that I wont ever amount to anything then they are welcome to do so. Perhaps it is more to do with my own self-hating personality, and people don't actually think these things about me, but either way I want to be myself. Ashling said to me that it's a good thing I'm more worried, and taking things more seriously; although, I should try to find a balance between both my personalities. I'm not sure I can, but I don't want to start from the stressed out side. I want to start from the "easy going" me and then make my way to a happy medium.

*looks at open air*

Oh yeah I'm supposed to be WRITING...an essay right now? 8 pages you say?..........

Oh it's due tomorrow?

Ha.

I've determined that I think for the first time in my life I'm going to pull off one of those infamous "all nighters". I think I need coffee for that, though...

Anyway, point being that instead of killing myself with worry, I'll find a way and doooo it. Even if it means skipping more of my morning class...

Been hearing them geese. Welcome back, how was California? (lucky bastards)

i am not, but am, and will, and are being and ceasing forever

I am but a tiny insignificant voice in the mass,
Others are stronger than mine, they are more fierce and powerful than mine,
I am squished in between, I fall through the cracks, I cannot see the sky.

The world is a living, breathing, thing,
It festers unimaginable energies, impossible, indescribable, real:
Tragedies, comedies, romances, and those things in between.
I am a part of them yet not, and still can be on a micro level.

They drown me out.
I get swept aside.
But I am still a drop in the sea.

Seeing is believing, but what I believe isn't real,
And I'm okay with that.
Everything around me is a hoax of my own imagining,
But I already know that.
Insignificant as I am, this is my telling, spinning, of reality
So I can live with that.

Treasure me as someone who told you of secret things,
Private things that exist in lonely basements,
That manifest themselves in haunting ravines.
There are whispers merely for you and me,
There is a micro world of dreams.