At this point in time...

...my body is slightly tilted towards the horizon, wondering at the tranquility of the sky. It is deep and harbours an inexpressible eternity that inspires me with wonder but also melancholy. What exactly does that sun rise to each morning? How does the sky rest peacefully above our heads? It's just there...it lives and breathes in its own capacity, it cares not for the millions of things that bother every single human that wanders in their aimless cycles.

It is the sky in all its glory, and I am slightly leaning to it, wondering what exactly it is that it can teach me - perhaps, that life is there, that empty sky? That all we worry for is naught, all we struggle towards is met in the end with emptiness?

No, it cannot be...the sky is there, and I am here. The sky knows not all my struggles, all my wants and needs, it cannot encompass me, it cannot fathom every fabric of me in the human world. I can wonder at the sky, I can love it and everything it stands for, for even, the fact that it is there. But can the sky love me? Can it wonder at me? No, it can't, and without humanity to wonder at anything...even with all the burdens they bear...then what would be left to wonder, to praise, to love?

I am slightly tilted towards the horizon, and I am wondering at it, a little lost, a little melancholy, but I am still walking forward into something, something real and something that matters to me. For all my worries, for all my smiles, even looking at the sky I am drawn backwards willingly. I can love it all at once, I can take moments to drink the empty sky and moments to cry from a full heart of human passions.

no...it had never occurred to me

Even though it was just some passing thought......

....I can't even seem to understand it...but it's overwhelming.....

...What is there then?....

...It just happens like it's supposed to...doesn't it? What can you do? It just is?

It hadn't even occurred to me...

20C

The point is to stay positive...

in a single minute

And then it all changed.

just to say hi

SUMMERRRR OMG I <3 YOUUU

Makes me wanna do EVERYTHING!! It's like I'm coming out of my bloody shell of depression and just living!! YEAHHH SOOO happy. Everything just feels happier. It does that to you...doesn't it? hahha Well I'm a victim of pathetic fallacy then.

Ah it's just awesome.

I've got chores to do but I'm procrastinating rAWR. I just feel so unmotivated to do it by myself but I might as well............

a little....

Was thinking about the movie "A Little Princess" and suddenly the song came up and a flood of memories came over me. Memories of feelings that come along with that of the film. It's my childhood or ...the things I believed in.

Why am I having such a hard time explaining it?

Lol....well I want to feel that peace again. Sitting in the sunshine and looking out into the world and its mysteries. Is that so hard to find?

I found myself, but lost it again. I grasped it for but a moment before it slipped away through the trees. Sometimes I chase it. Sometimes I forget it's there, somewhere. Before long perhaps I am someone else, I am no longer it, but yet I still seek it. There is an infinite of possibilities, I am the one and am all at once. But what I want to be is not who I am, it is always what I will become.


Ok that didn't make sense. Basically...I am always thinking...the way I was when I was a kid is someone I want to be now. But is it really? Maybe it's time to let go of the past and look forward to being something different. I shouldn't wait for myself to "stabilize". I should embrace what I am becoming and work with it as best as I can.

But aren't I doing that already?

Maybe - that's the frustrating part. I'm filled with confusion again. Boo you seem far away from me but maybe I'm just far from you.

Just hang on.

feeling...

confused...but tired...it disappears into memory...it fades away into normal happenstance...it just is...

and yet

something curls in my stomach; fear or excitement? I can't tell...