I have done it. I have drankeded the COFFFEEES. I will be awake all night now, whether or not I finish this essay soon.
Just wrapping up page 3. Still got FIVE more to go.
Oh...oh...ohhhhh... (This is me singing silently into the night. THAT'S RIGHT SILENTLY.)
Clearly the coffee has disabled my mental capacity to be "witty".
Did I mention it's a large DD? Oh yeah this baby'll last me alllll nighttt longggg.
(Yes I can clearly see the pervertednessness)
*looks around*
Mackenzie King ding a ling...
Sunday, March 8, 2009
king's genius
“If some countries have too much history, we have too much geography.” - William Lyon Mackenzie King
HAAHAHA omfg so true.
*chews on knuckles*
Okay here I am just yapping away. I haven't started my essay yet. I haven't felt this much resistance to essay writing in a LONG TIME. Last time I did my history essay I was all GO GO GO GO GO GO GO and I made a mad dash for the finish line, just barely making it.
Is it the fact that I finished on time before that I presently am unworried?
Maybe I'm just tired of being so stressed out and depressed. I've been so ill lately, not only physically but mentally. I'm tired of drowning myself in the river. I want to be that free spirited person again who smiled even as the rapids approached. I think I am, it was one decisive moment - it always is. It was like waking up from a dream, or rather...returning after a very long time, as if, someone else was occupying my body before.
Regardless, I don't want others impressions of me to kill me. If anyone thinks I'm lazy, unreliable, and that I wont ever amount to anything then they are welcome to do so. Perhaps it is more to do with my own self-hating personality, and people don't actually think these things about me, but either way I want to be myself. Ashling said to me that it's a good thing I'm more worried, and taking things more seriously; although, I should try to find a balance between both my personalities. I'm not sure I can, but I don't want to start from the stressed out side. I want to start from the "easy going" me and then make my way to a happy medium.
*looks at open air*
Oh yeah I'm supposed to be WRITING...an essay right now? 8 pages you say?..........
Oh it's due tomorrow?
Ha.
I've determined that I think for the first time in my life I'm going to pull off one of those infamous "all nighters". I think I need coffee for that, though...
Anyway, point being that instead of killing myself with worry, I'll find a way and doooo it. Even if it means skipping more of my morning class...
Been hearing them geese. Welcome back, how was California? (lucky bastards)
Is it the fact that I finished on time before that I presently am unworried?
Maybe I'm just tired of being so stressed out and depressed. I've been so ill lately, not only physically but mentally. I'm tired of drowning myself in the river. I want to be that free spirited person again who smiled even as the rapids approached. I think I am, it was one decisive moment - it always is. It was like waking up from a dream, or rather...returning after a very long time, as if, someone else was occupying my body before.
Regardless, I don't want others impressions of me to kill me. If anyone thinks I'm lazy, unreliable, and that I wont ever amount to anything then they are welcome to do so. Perhaps it is more to do with my own self-hating personality, and people don't actually think these things about me, but either way I want to be myself. Ashling said to me that it's a good thing I'm more worried, and taking things more seriously; although, I should try to find a balance between both my personalities. I'm not sure I can, but I don't want to start from the stressed out side. I want to start from the "easy going" me and then make my way to a happy medium.
*looks at open air*
Oh yeah I'm supposed to be WRITING...an essay right now? 8 pages you say?..........
Oh it's due tomorrow?
Ha.
I've determined that I think for the first time in my life I'm going to pull off one of those infamous "all nighters". I think I need coffee for that, though...
Anyway, point being that instead of killing myself with worry, I'll find a way and doooo it. Even if it means skipping more of my morning class...
Been hearing them geese. Welcome back, how was California? (lucky bastards)
Sunday, March 1, 2009
i am not, but am, and will, and are being and ceasing forever
I am but a tiny insignificant voice in the mass,
Others are stronger than mine, they are more fierce and powerful than mine,
I am squished in between, I fall through the cracks, I cannot see the sky.
The world is a living, breathing, thing,
It festers unimaginable energies, impossible, indescribable, real:
Tragedies, comedies, romances, and those things in between.
I am a part of them yet not, and still can be on a micro level.
They drown me out.
I get swept aside.
But I am still a drop in the sea.
Seeing is believing, but what I believe isn't real,
And I'm okay with that.
Everything around me is a hoax of my own imagining,
But I already know that.
Insignificant as I am, this is my telling, spinning, of reality
So I can live with that.
Treasure me as someone who told you of secret things,
Private things that exist in lonely basements,
That manifest themselves in haunting ravines.
There are whispers merely for you and me,
There is a micro world of dreams.
Others are stronger than mine, they are more fierce and powerful than mine,
I am squished in between, I fall through the cracks, I cannot see the sky.
The world is a living, breathing, thing,
It festers unimaginable energies, impossible, indescribable, real:
Tragedies, comedies, romances, and those things in between.
I am a part of them yet not, and still can be on a micro level.
They drown me out.
I get swept aside.
But I am still a drop in the sea.
Seeing is believing, but what I believe isn't real,
And I'm okay with that.
Everything around me is a hoax of my own imagining,
But I already know that.
Insignificant as I am, this is my telling, spinning, of reality
So I can live with that.
Treasure me as someone who told you of secret things,
Private things that exist in lonely basements,
That manifest themselves in haunting ravines.
There are whispers merely for you and me,
There is a micro world of dreams.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
fourth's the charm?
Is this really my fourth post today? I don't remember. It's now coming on 6 and it's been about another 3 hours since my last entry. I'm still on the first page.
Just so you know.
(lol)
What a waste of a day.....wow...haha
Just so you know.
(lol)
What a waste of a day.....wow...haha
w.w. on the hillside
Would Walt Whitman be happy about me writing an essay on his work?
Because of you, but really because of myself, Whitman, I am unable to go to that empty bench on the white hilltop amongst the trees.
I am stuck with you, even though you claim to be connected to something beyond your written word.
I am stuck on you, and can't run and dance as I should. I must write of you, and me, and in being the "you" you describe attempt to connect and understand you through the text; through your text.
Curse you Whitman, you are dead, yet alive, and haunting me from beyond that window as I sit here writing of you, but not living as you live.
Because of you, but really because of myself, Whitman, I am unable to go to that empty bench on the white hilltop amongst the trees.
I am stuck with you, even though you claim to be connected to something beyond your written word.
I am stuck on you, and can't run and dance as I should. I must write of you, and me, and in being the "you" you describe attempt to connect and understand you through the text; through your text.
Curse you Whitman, you are dead, yet alive, and haunting me from beyond that window as I sit here writing of you, but not living as you live.
here again....
Ok so I'm back. It's currently 2.20pm, which is prob about 3 hrs from my previous post. *points down* I've written about 2 sentences for my essay. Woo. Shaw. If I don't hand it in for tomorrow I'll have to submit it to some sort of office to get a date stamp...sounds complicated and I don't want to. Goddammit I just need to start, just need to get a running start. Why are all the topics so complicated and yet so specific? How can I write five pages on the word "you"?
We'll see....
We'll see....
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