I feel really weak today, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Even though the weather is getting better, the sun is shining - I guess it's just lack of sleep.
Mainly, I'm losing confidence in myself, and I'm afraid that I am going to do poorly on my upcoming essay and exams. Also, I'm afraid I've done poorly on the essays I've already handed in. Within the context of the fact that I am leaving University behind me, I suppose it doesn't matter, but I still feel a sense of dread when thinking of seeing a 7- as my mark. It has to be a 8- or else my heart skips a beat. lol.
Yeah I know what happened to me? Jade if you're reading this you'll laugh, especially considering the way we used to be. Remember reading novels in our science class so much that the teacher got angry at us? lol... I know a 7- something or other is not bad, but what can I say? My standards have gone up... =.=''.
I have this overwhelming need to be free of school. But I know that this is where the phrase "the grass is always greener on the other side" truly kicks in. I often hear people who are out of school lamenting that they are gone and now in the mundane atmosphere of the working environment. As much as I can consider this, it only goes so far. I'm sad to leave school, but I know it's no place for me anymore.
Unfortunately, it's not like a bandaid I can just quickly tear off; or a wax strip. I have to wait out this month, and at the end of it I can finally say home free. But perhaps that is where much of the anxiety comes from... being so close to the end, hoping to not slip up. Anxious. Luckily, as long as I attend my exams I'm sure there's no way to ultimately fail. For that essay I'm not so sure but...it should be okay. I'm fine with a 70. Anyways...all I have to do is...finish.
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