Kiss x Kiss

(title not at all related to this post)

Okay so major crunch time. Two essays due next week plus a proposal. Have to start a 14 paged essay due at the end of the month.

I just have this big, huge, headache. As if I were crying all day. Well I was crying today, but not all day. Really I just felt lonely...very lonely. For lots of reasons. I know a lot of the reasons are my own fault but...I can't say. I just have to accept that. This goes back to talking with L and telling her that I really have only two "friends" left. Because when I look at every friend I've lost so far and all those people who are supposed to be friends...they are not like, true friends. At first it hurt so much -- these people going away. And then I just stopped. It bothers me but not, like...well, now it's just a fact. It just happened. I've always been let down by people. My interpretation of friendship is too hardcore, I guess, for this world. For others.

Whatever...I've talked about all this stuff before. I just feel so stoic. So tired. For some reason I get teary eyed thinking of Blue and Tory. I can picture them standing in the road surveying the cold, grey landscape. Blue's eyes are crisp in contrast and Tory's hair is a flame of copper flaying in the wind. I don't know why they mean so much to me. Well maybe I do...but to the point where I actually miss them. Miss being in their world. I like drawing them. They are calm figures; they make me feel calm. They make me think of a true, calm friendship.