It's as if by turning twenty I have suddenly realized all my faults. No more can I say "at least I'm still a teen" and let myself linger in the past. I no longer belong in highschool, university is where I must go. And yet I avoided it, and told myself it was not the place for me.
I'm not sure what I've been running away from, but I understand now that by choosing to write my novel over going to school might have been a mistake. Without anything to feed me inspiration, I've been almost unable to write.
What am I saying, am I saying I regret taking a year off?
I think so.
I don't want to have any regrets, though, so maybe now I can say with surety... I know I made a mistake, and I must appreciate school as much as I can from now on. Before I felt like I didn't quite fit in, but now I feel like it is somewhere I need to be. It was a lonely place, but all in all I liked to learn. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I should transfer to York, just because I know more people there. But I guess it'd be too much trouble.
Somehow, more and more, I want to strive to do better. I don't like the situation I'm in. At least if I finish this year without school, I want to say, "I wrote a novel." In those words, I will feel proud. I know I will.
Also, I'm definitely taking summer school. For sure. Reminder: I must go to UTSC soon to ask them a few things. Get my student email fixed and whatever.
I'm out.
3 comments:
you should come to york! it'd be so much fun with you there. I think you followed your feelings on your decision in taking a year off, and that is really important, and just as how I was when I hit 6 months without school: I couldn't wait to get back into school. If taking time off helped you appreciate school more, then it has served its purpose. And when you go back to school you will not be the same Rei as you were before you left. You will be recharged and happy to be there (hopefully.) ^_~
Still, I hope you will be able to fulfill your wish to complete a novel before school starts. I understand that frustration of being uninspired. sometimes I wish we have inspiration pills we can take lol
ahhh thea! thank you, i think you are right. in this i can find the lesson that...i learned to appreciate school!
transfer to york!? -flushes- I wonder if that's possible..??
(been reading too much manga...)
there ARE such things as inspiration pills! they're called "DRUGS"!!! bhauhahah
INSPIRATIONAL PUNCH! You've been verbally hit with inspiration!!!
People might think you can turn creativity on and off but its not like that. You never know when it's gonna happen, but when it does, it's like magic! It's just that simple and just that hard.
Ahem...I obviously vaguely rip that off somewhere.
To psyched myself up, I start the day by reciting this once: "To crush your enemies, and see them fall at your feet - to take their horses and belongings, and to hear the lamentation of their women. That is the best life."
...umm...not exactly inspiring for writers, but it works for me.
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