still sick

nuff said

Ahh...

Struggling not to be down...but it's hard. I guess mostly, just accepting that I've done all I can do. Why am I sick? I feel frustrated but at the same time falling into lethargic. I'm told not to care about what everyone thinks, but when you're a part of a community and they begin to push you out, it's hard not to. I don't feel a part of work anymore, I feel disconnected. On one hand, it hurts, on the other, I'm like okay whatever, it's work so...who cares? It's hard to find a balance, and I'm not sure which way is the best to lean towards. I can't believe I got sick so suddenly, and this one is pretty bad. Throat infection I think? I just keep feeling like I'm letting people down.


I don't know does it really matter? Sometimes I suspect my work wishes I quit. I think I'm just a waste of space for now. It's hard to confront that. I want to fit in somewhere, but how? But where? It's hard to know a whole group of people is looking at you and going...seriously? Cause I know, I've seen it happen to other people. It's not that I don;t WANT to go. I do.

What can I do right? Just gotta chill. Relax. Stop being so anxious. -.-

Essays over

And now I must prepare for the exams. OMFG I'm so screwed. The only one I think I'll do OK for is Med Lit. Love that class. Mostly because I followed it pretty well...

Damn you myth and dystopia! I am sooo going to fail. I guess at least I wont fail the classes. =.='''

Again

Nothing concise. All copy and pasted from various sources, my own words sandwiched in between. A collaboration of thoughts collaborated from others' thoughts into eight pages of nonsense.

This is what I do.

Hm

Mom just went away in an ambulance. She's okay I think - maybe kidney stones? I still have to do that essay. Feel a little shaken up. It's always hard to be stronger than your parents, to see them weak and suffering. I just always suck it in and try my best.

Wish me luck

a lot of time was spent thinking...thinking...thinking...staring at the screen and reading and thinking and accumulating and now my eyes hurt and my brain feels dry and although i'm peering through that crack my eye is wobbling and flexing, struggling to see straight

Wow

I feel like I've been banging my head up against a wall for hours upon painstaking hours with no success until now. Suddenly, a crack was formed and peering beyond I see the future, the future so which was once so impossible to reach now close and graspable. How did it happen? I don't know. But I feel more calm despite my headache. Despite wrapping and folding, turning and mixing, fluxing and joining together themes, ideas, that somehow fit together but not in the way I want.

And yet here again I am!

ta-ta