Struggling not to be down...but it's hard. I guess mostly, just accepting that I've done all I can do. Why am I sick? I feel frustrated but at the same time falling into lethargic. I'm told not to care about what everyone thinks, but when you're a part of a community and they begin to push you out, it's hard not to. I don't feel a part of work anymore, I feel disconnected. On one hand, it hurts, on the other, I'm like okay whatever, it's work so...who cares? It's hard to find a balance, and I'm not sure which way is the best to lean towards. I can't believe I got sick so suddenly, and this one is pretty bad. Throat infection I think? I just keep feeling like I'm letting people down.
I don't know does it really matter? Sometimes I suspect my work wishes I quit. I think I'm just a waste of space for now. It's hard to confront that. I want to fit in somewhere, but how? But where? It's hard to know a whole group of people is looking at you and going...seriously? Cause I know, I've seen it happen to other people. It's not that I don;t WANT to go. I do.
What can I do right? Just gotta chill. Relax. Stop being so anxious. -.-
